Why oh why...

... are contact lenses sold in identical packaging to pregnancy testing kits? This seems extremely odd, and opens the manufacturers of both products up to numerous lawsuits due to a mind-boggling range of possible misadventures.


I first noticed this walking past a small billboard on the subway, which displayed a longish, flattish white cardboard box covered in subdued yet supportive blue graduated lines, and the obligatory attractive yet responsible-looking young woman (you can tell she was responsible because she wasn't blonde, wore minimal make-up and had a thoughful expression). However, on second glance, I became very concerned for the youth of today, given the tagline: 'All-day comfort, daily use'.



On prolonged inspection it became clearer that the product being advertised was not, in fact, a pregnancy test, but a package of disposable contact lenses. However, if my 20/20 vision was fooled, I can only imagine the confusion of someone with poor eyesight. They may well only realize their mistake at the checkout, when they recieve a disapproving look from the lady behind the register who pointedly suggests that maybe they want to pick up a few packs of condoms, 'to prevent it happening again'. Is this a throwback to the days when young boys were told masturbation would make you go blind? If so, surely advocating safe sex is an odd moral gear-change: 'No, dear, playing with yourself is wrong, you should go and have actual sex with some emotionally vulnerable girl. But do use a condom. Oh, and here is some of that KY jelly with the warming effect...' (which is another odd product to buy, given it is usually sold next to sanitary products, which meant for years I thought that it was intended to help with tampon insertion).



So, I am calling on those stalwart souls in P&G and J&J's marketing departments - please don't create any more daily moral quandries and quagmires with your confusing implications! Can we have nice simple slogans like 'Think you're knocked up? Check' and 'Can't read this sign? Buy me'. Plus some advice about how to keep enough of a grip on the KY jelly tube to close it when you just covered your hands in something designed to make them slippery...