Virginity revisited

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Investment bankers

Too easy. Too, too easy. See leveragedsellout.com

So I’ll go for hedge fund managers instead.
According to a friend of mine who rarely lies (and when he does, does so very amusingly) it is possible to buy a t-shirt that says ‘Fuck me, I’m a hedge fund manager’. He has seen these being worn, with some success, in bars in New York.
Sadly I am too well acquainted with the New York bar scene to believe that they are being worn ironically. What I love is the potential different meanings of this t-shirt: on the one hand the supreme arrogance of insisting that young ladies go to bed with you on the strength of your job, but on the other it could be interpreted as a plea for an act of pity, like ‘kiss me, I’m off to war tomorrow’ or ‘please sleep with me, I have red hair’.

But my favorite is to imagine it as an expression of surprise, along the lines of ‘Fuck me, can you believe it? I’m a hedge fund manager! Me! Little old me! I don’t really know what a hedge fund is, I’m only 24 years old and I can’t even pronounce arbitrage!’. I await with bated breath the following t-shirts:

Hot damn, I’m a Senior Vice President
Whoops, I seem to be a Political Journalist
Shit, I didn’t mean to be a Venture Capitalist, it just all got out of hand…

Dance for Pedro

About a month ago I was walking through an airport (layover in Prague for some bizarre reason) and I saw a young girl of maybe eight years old wearing a t-shirt with the words 'Dance for Pedro' written on it. It was a plain white t-shirt with large red lettering, and looked pretty cheaply done. I could not work out what on earth it meant. It's been annoying me ever since, and the phrase kept popping into my head, particularly yesterday when I was having dinner with a friend of mine called Pedro (he assures me that there is no connection). So, in an attempt to exorcise this particular annoyance I am going to lay out all of the possible explanation that I can think of. If anyone reading this has any other explanation, or in fact some explanation of the true reason, please let me know.

1. Somebody called Pedro has some kind of terminal illness, and friends and family have arranged a sponsored dance to raise money for a cure/final trip to Disneyland.
2. The child has been kidnapped by a weird paedophile cult with a dancing fetish led by the mysterious and charismatic 'Pedro'.
3. The phrase is a tagline for an as-yet-unreleased indie film experimenting with some very strange publicity stunts.
4. The first in a line of ultra-hip t-shirts based on meaningless slogans. Very nihilistic.
5. Somebody called Pedro likes dancing, and this girl's parents are friends of his playing some kind of insider-practical-joke that I can't comprehend.

Competitive arrogance

It has been pointed out to me that I can be a little arrogant. The words big-headed, antagonistic, inflexible and conceited may also have come up.

The fact that many of my posts are tagged 'me' could be used in evidence.

I am flattered, but must concede that if you want to see arrogance taken to an art form, you should really read The Best Page In The Universe. In my incredibly humble opinion it is extremely funny.
The tagline 'This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong.' should be enough to convince you.

The ongoing saga of my somewhat silly friend’s love life

Despite having been on several dates with a perfectly attractive, nice young man who has many interests in common with her, buys her dinner and compliments her ears she remains obsessed with the mental case who can’t seem to work out what a date is. He is, admittedly, quite charming in many ways but has dropped many worrying hints about other girls he has been on dates with (OK, she’s been dating too, but she’s usually polite enough not to mention it) and still hasn’t attempted to get into her panties.
In my book, not trying to get into a girl’s panties by date three shows that you are either a homosexual trawling for a new fag hag, a slightly bored insecure playboy who likes having fawning girls around even if he doesn’t find them attractive, or a terrified, if lovestruck, idiot. For some reason she thinks he is the latter, and even more bizarrely she thinks that this is a good thing. Silly, silly girl.