Stupid things people say are like sex

BlackBerrys No. BlackBerrys are far superior. I wake up in the middle of the night, roll over and check my BlackBerry EVEN when I am too tired for sex. If I had to go without one or the other for the rest of my life... no question. Luckily, most Blackberry addicts didn't have sex very much before RIM introduced the little electronic temptresses anyway.

Marketing The kind of people who want to do it think that they are better at it than they are. They are actually only successful because they are slightly more attractive than the rest of the human race, and have a natural talent for bullshitting. Many people have come to the conclusion that the entire thing is a total waste of time.

Programming A comparison which I am sure will cheer up a lot of lonely computer engineers, until they one day get lucky, have sex with a real live person, and realize that it is actually NOTHING like programming. The quote is from Linus Torvalds, which suggests that somewhere in Scandinavia sex is a undertaken simultaneously by a vast number of volunteers for little or no reward other than their own satisfaction and bragging rights, and many people believe that one man is ultimately directing the entire process. Which leads me to conclude that either: a) Linus Torvalds has some weird sexual fantasies or b) he got it confused with religion.

Writing Petition Denied. Invalid Similie Alert. (I write pretty much every day, trust me on this one)

Physics This one only gets consideration because Richard Feynman said it, and he is one of the few physicists that I not only suspect has had sex, but probably does so with some regularity. (I'm not the only one, if this is any indication). Thus, I accept this similie with the clarification that they are both things that Richard Feynman is good at.

Salsa - well obviously. It involves grinding your crotch into a member of the opposite sex, getting hot and sweaty, tripping over your feet because you've had one too many mojitos and ending up doing it with your original partner's less attractive friend by the end of a relatively depressing night that was only livened up by watching a few people who were really, really good at it.

Artseal Plaquemount Winner of the Most Unquestionably Ridiculous Similie Award. (Narrowly beating Ted Stevens' wonderful "The internet is a series of tubes" argument for network neutrality)

Snowstorms (unattributed) -you don't know how long it will last or how many inches you will get, but make sure you have your chains with you just in case.

Note: These are Similies. Not metaphors. Not analogies. Similies. OK?